Faking hard to be real...

Everyday I convince myself that I don't care what others say about me. I'mma do me I whisper into my pillow before I start my day. A small part of that is true. I live for God and my close, immediate family. That's it. No one else. But I found myself caring about how my actions affect others. There's people I interact with that I could take or leave them. But I know that they don't feel the same about me that I do about them. So I smile and carry on.

You make me feel, you make me feel like an inexperienced mother....

Up until this moment, May 10th, I believed myself to be the champion of potty training. It's on my parent stat card. Throughout the years, I bragged about how I successfully trained my oldest daughter in 2 weeks with NO accidents. I wasn't worried one Jill Scott low note about potty training my youngest when the time came....

Well... now's the time and she ain't trained.

To Cry or Not to Cry: Wedding edition

I've been asked this question more and more as my wedding date gets closer.

"Do you think you will cry when you get married?"

I got a question....

Question: 
Am I weird for reading celebrity autopsy reports? I've read Dr. West (Kanye's mother), Anna Nicole Smith, Michael Jackson's, Whitney Houston's and countless others...

I was about to open a browser tab to read Don Cornelius, of Soul Train fame, autopsy when something stopped me, like hey, you reading coroner's reports on a Friday night?


Yes, yes, yes I am.

-Toodles

Yes to the Dress!

I got my wedding dress guys! It's beautiful AND white ;) The funniest and best part of my fitting, was that my gown fits me like a glove. I literally can't gain or lose a pound or else I'd have to pay for alterations. I was so nervous about my gown only because I ordered it online without seeing it in person. I like the style and ordered it in good faith. Viva my wedding day. I'm about to stunt on hoes. Not really.

50 days!

-Toodles

President Obama Drops the Mic on Jimmy Fallon

How did I miss this? President Obama was on Jimmy Fallon to discuss how he's fighting the increase of interest on student loans. But there's a twist to his delivery....

Check this jewel out:

Mr. Joe Smooth....

-Toodles

Can you spot me... a job?

Be patient, it'll happen......


Something will work out, watch.....


Just wait on the Lord.....



You'll get a job soon.....

CAN YOU PAY MY BILLS? CAN YOU PAY MY TELEPHONE BILLS? CAN YOU PAY MY AUTOMOBILES? I DON'T THINK YOU DO....

Old school R&B, I know, I just rolled my eyes too...

This is what I want to scream out every time someone tells me a variation of the lines above. Every statement has the possibility of being true HOWEVER, I needs a job. Bills keep coming and my woe as me cries aren't doing nothing but giving me a week extension. Now look, I'm not hand to mouth. When I say I'm broke this translates to: Not having extra money. Like, to go out or getting pedi & mani and all bullsh*t that us women like. It also means that I'm spending reserves. Money for the wedding, etc. My youngest is still enrolled in daycare even though I'm unemployed because I pay a decent rate and don't want to lose her spot in case I get a job. *Ahem* For when I get a job Trying to be positive :) 

So friends and family, hush. I know and believe that I'll get a job. I'm stressing about these automobills....

-Toodles

Bow or Step: The Obamas, The First Family edition

At Tierra World we honor and admire the First Family And you will too.


Our First Family on Easter:

Sasha and Malia have gotten so big!

President Obama embracing a small boy:

The boy's smile, President Obama's closed eyes... *wimper*

These picture might seem like propaganda and hey it is an election year, but I don't care. I need some black positivity to cancel out all the evil that I'm seeing and hearing on a daily basis. We've all heard about the Trayvon Martin story by now. And then last week there was a Tulsa shooting by two white men who targeted and killed 3 black men and wounded 2 others.

This blog post is warranted.



-Toodles

We are Trayvon Martin

RIP TRAYVON MARTIN

If you're not familiar with the case you can read some details here and here.

Short summary:

On February 26, Trayvon Martin had just left the store for snacks. He was followed by George Zimmerman, who called 911 and reported Trayvon as a suspicious suspect and a threat DESPITE Zimmerman being armed. George was also told not to confront Trayvon Martin. However Zimmerman chased, shot and killed 17 yr old Trayvon. At this time this murderer has not been arrested. 

The horrific 911 call of this tragic event. Caution: Not for the faint of heart, I have not listened to this audio AT ALL.

You can sign this petition to support prosecuting George Zimmerman for this crime here!

2012 is not a post racial world, smh.

-Toodles

You wanna see my body? -Weight loss post-

Yesterday I told y'all how I wasn't satisfied with my weight loss over the past two weeks I'm still fat . So I decided to incorporate some more workout in my life. A more intensive workout, P90x!!!

Time to get physical! -Weight loss post-

The wedding of the century is in 3 months, eeeek! Yes, my wedding is fastly approaching. And Officer's superiors are being asswipes. He didn't get our wedding day OR the day after off. Yes I'm pissed and so is he. He's going to take it another step and I'm crossing my fingers and toes that he gets the day approved.

Whew...Enough of that...

I'm fat.

Facts are facts. And I need not to be fat for my wedding. It's in the bride manual, page one. But the kicker is, Officer wants to lose some pounds too. So now I have a get skinny partner, yay! We went grocery shopping together for healthy food Sunday :o) But it's Tuesday and I'm hungry. I'm calorie counting and I think I'm restricting too much? I'm trying to stay at 1100-1150 calories which is not that low. My mind is sending me "get junk food Tierrrrra" vibes.

Later this week I'll post a pic of my booody so I'll have a way to track my weigh loss. I took the battery's out my scale because I have the tendency to weight myself everyday Not good. When the picture (s) go up, no judgment. I'm a bowl of fluff.




-Toodles


P.S. Pray that Officer gets our wedding day off!

Sign my Friendship Contract

I seem to have a little problem. Besides not updating this blog on a regular basis, Wedding, School, Work REPEAT! I've been internally venting about my friendships with certain people. You see, two years ago I was basically without friends. Now you might say, gurl, everybody has friends, whatcha mean? Well, I don't categorize everyone as a friend. We're not in kindergarten, just because we know each other, a friend does not make. So I actively went about finding friends.....

Blah blah blah, I already wrote about how I felt about friendship here.

But...
There is a reason for this post. For the past couple of months, I've been in a runt. I've had some weekends where my kids were with auntiegranniedaddy. I was free but had nowhere to go. Scratch that, I had places to go but no one to go with. Yes, Officer and I went out a couple of times but I needed a girl's night out. Drinking, dancing and being acting sexy. But alas, this did not happen. For whatever reason, me, a person with three kids and multiple things going on, has more availability than everyone I know. Who would have thunk it? Other times when I called texted, everyone had plans that I obviously wasn't invited to. *cues tears*

After having an adult temper tantrum this Saturday because I was basically stood up, I declared to my bedroom furniture, I needed new friends!

But how do you ask someone to be your friend? I've meet people at work, the salon and other places, where I thought to myself, Self she could be your friend. But my problem is I don't know how to turn it into exchanging information. Everything I thought up sounded like a pick up line and that's not hot! *bounces like Tamar*

That's right, bounce like me boo, she, me, her!

I definitely need to draft up some friendship contacts and sent them 1st class to my current friends on some Housewives of Atlanta shit. I will be heard! Or invited out.

I'm so into my feelings y'all. :(



-Toodles

Clap for me...

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!!!

This cake is gross looking I know...

What y'all get me? *crickets* That's okay because Officer put his love on top... too much? Oh. Like I mentioned above, it's my bday *pats weave* and I'm 28! I'm living and feeling greaaaaaat! As of right now, everything is somewhat balanced in my life, my goals are planned out and I'm steadily striving towards them. I won't lie though, 28 is so close to 30 that I'm frightened. When I was younger 30 was deemed old by my peers and defined by the 30 somethings we saw. However, 30 is the new 20 (*snaps for Oprah*) and my body is agreeing with that statement. But in the overall grand scheme of things, 30 yrs is about a third of your life time *sigh* 

Where did time go? Can I get a do over? Starting at year 2, I'm greedy :)

Have a wonderful day, enjoy yourself in my honor, I demand it!

Sidenote: You think Rihanna would give me some of her "cake?" I mean it is my birthday... I kid, I kid but...

-Toodles

randomthoughts

iamexhaustedineedmorehoursinthedayiwanttorunawayineedtorentaplacetostayaloneandsleepthreedaysstraightiwanttobedonewithallthisweddingstuffiwishicouldquitmyjobandjustfocuonschoolsomuchstufftodoinsolittletimetired

Answering questions pt 2

1. Part 2
2. 
   
3. What’s your favorite cartoon character, and why?
4. I use to be obsessed with Disney's Pocahontas in middle school (shuttie, I was eccentric) and would buy everything with the cartoon on it. Pencils, watches, stickers etc. Yes I know I was 12 but... nevermind.
5.  If you could visit any place in the world, where would you choose to go and why
6. I want to go to Egypt badly. I went through a phase where I would read any book I could find on mummies and King Tut. I've been to Walter's Art Gallery in Balto more times than I can count to look at the mummy on display. I need to go post haste.
7. What’s the ideal dream job for you?
8. My ideal dream job would be mentoring inner city teens with unlimited funds. But since I don't have Oprah money, state or federal would be fine.
9. Are you a morning or night person?
10. Morning person. Once I'm up I'm ready to start my day. I don't understand napping.
11. What are your favorite hobbies?
12. I use to love sketching but that gift faded with time. Previously I would answer watching television but I just got back into reading so reading?
13. What are your pet peeves or interesting things about you that you dislike?
14. I hate liars, people who don't take other's feelings into account, lazy people, cluttered spaces 
15. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever eaten?
16. Alligator bites, taste like overcooked chicken
17. Name one of your favorite things about someone in your family.
18. I love my middle daughter's humor :)
19. Tell us about a unique or quirky habit of yours.
20. I have OCD about time. If you tell me you're 10 mins away, please be 10 mins away. I countdown my time at work. I'm always checking the clock. Neurotic.
21. If you had to describe yourself using three words, it would be…
22. Funny? Compassionate. Giving.
23. If someone made a movie of your life would it be a drama, a comedy, a romantic-comedy, action film, or science fiction?
24. I'm going to combine both Drama and Comedy. Dramatic-Comedy. There o_O
25. If I could be anybody besides myself, I would be…
26. I would be Oprah. Not just for the money but bc of the power and respect she receives because of the money. 

Is there anything you want to ask me? Just hit the comment box and I promise to issue an honest and timely response. 

-Toodles 

Answering questions pt 1

1. I know I share a ton of myself on this blog but sometimes I hit a wall on what else I could share. I found these ice breaker questions and decided to answer them. Here's part 1. Enjoy.

1. If you could have an endless supply of any food, what would you get?
2. Fried chicken fried hard w/ french fries
3. If you were an animal, what would you be and why?
4. I would be an elephant. They're big and graceful creatures. Elephants travel in herds of all females which I think is cool and help raise each others young. I can dig it.
5. What is one goal you’d like to accomplish during your lifetime?
6. I would like to open a center for young parents where they can receive free childcare as long as they stay in school. It will also have a job center, job training, and parental classes.
7. When you were little, who was your favorite super hero and why?
8. Although not a "super hero" I love XMEN's Mystique. To be able to transform into anyone? Well damn. I could get in a lot of trouble with that power... ;)
9. Who is your hero? (a parent, a celebrity, an influential person in one’s life)
10. I really don't have a hero. I love Billie Holiday and her story. 
11. What’s your favorite thing to do in the summer?
12. My favorite thing to do in the summer... travel and try new things. Anything to get out of the house and have a good time. 
13. If they made a movie of your life, what would it be about and which actor would you want to play you?
14. Hmmm... That's a hard one. I think I would want a movie about my life, birth to teen. I can't think of any actresses to play me. I got a big ego *ahem*
15. If you were an ice cream flavor, which one would you be and why?
16. I would be vanilla. Nice and creamy. 
17. 
    

Weekly Quickie

School. Work. Schoolwork. School. Work. Schoolwork. School.....


These are the days of our lives....

It's time for school BITCHES!

School starts next Monday and I'm just figuring out my schedule. My original plan of attending a continuing education trade class fell through because I couldn't use my financial aid. I could've taken out a school loan but why start now? I figured I might as well try and complete my degree. My first obstacle was $$$$. I had a past due balance at school but I Officer coughed up nearly $400. He lubs me so it was all good in love and basketball :)

I'm just happy to be making some moves albeit them small. I plan on finishing my degree by next Spring if not sooner. I'm taking three classes now and is tempted to slip one more class in but I want to ensure myself A's and B's. I still will be working so I don't want too much on my plate. If at times I might seem a little down, don't hesitate to cheerlead in my comment box. I need all the support you can spare :)

-Toodles

I'm made of sugar, spice and everything SPITEFUL!

Me likey!

I use to be an accommodating person. I always wanted acceptance. It use to hurt me deeply when someone didn't appreciate the effort I put out or hit me with the What have you done for me lately? *Janet J. voice* I use to cry and rant to Officer about it and have him sigh, Why do you even care?

I cared because I'm human. You want to help others and have their help when you're in need. It also feels good to come to the aid of someone. However, rejection or plain ol' we don't give 2 fucks, has a bitter taste.

Something clicked in me after I experienced another similar incident. I realized, Hey I'm an adult and I can decide whether or not I want to end or continue this "abusive" relationship. I say abusive because I always felt victimized after. I began cutting ties with people and moving on with those who respected me.

The funny thing is after distancing myself, I realized I didn't really need them. I was doing good all by myself. *snaps*

You might want to applaud my actions but I also discovered a callousness as well. I currently go by the philosophy, Only do for those who do for you! Definitely not Christian-like, right? That motto was drafted for my heart. It's like a scab protecting an injury. I don't want to get hurt again in that spot. As self centered as that seems and IS, it's working for me. I never feel used anymore and I'm never doubting the intentions of the people I'm surrounding with.


Win Win Win An Office reference when it was funny..




-Toodles

Gimme!

Everyday in our lives, people and things competing for our attention:  family, job, bills etc. You're suppose to balance everything out in order to have a healthy, stable life but... it's 2012. The economy is still in the shitter so even if you wanted to take a Mental Health day at work, who knows if your manager decide to use that against you. In turn... we extend ourselves to meet every demand. 

You're at every school event.

You stay after at work.

You take the kids back and forth to sports/music/etc.

Etc, etc, and more etc.

Even with all the extra attention, a person, place, or thing gets neglected. Which then leaves you unsatisfied in that arena.

*Takes in breath*

I hate my job, lol. Like totally. It's the area I'm lacking. It's sucking away all the energy that I want to give to my family, social life and relationship. I didn't give my job permission but the economy has forced my hand. I need the money. I can't afford to quit so I'm dragging my feet to stand on them for 9 hours. 

Ugh.

Play a tiny violin, say a prayer, or whisper my name in the wind. I need help :)

-Toodles