Faking hard to be real...

Everyday I convince myself that I don't care what others say about me. I'mma do me I whisper into my pillow before I start my day. A small part of that is true. I live for God and my close, immediate family. That's it. No one else. But I found myself caring about how my actions affect others. There's people I interact with that I could take or leave them. But I know that they don't feel the same about me that I do about them. So I smile and carry on.



Does that make trifling? Perhaps... but maybe I'm twisted because I see it as protecting them from me. You might be saying, ma'am, who are YOU? I know, I know. I'm just a regular ol' person, who irregularly pays bills and plans to vote for Obama in Nov.

Everyone knows a person who overreacts to each and everything. Most of the people I have meh opinions about are those kind of people. It's not that I wish them ill will, it's just that their season has run it's course. If I see them out, I'll do the Lil Wayne, give 'em dap, give 'em hug and be on my way. Instead I'm scared that those people would take my conversion about simply moving on to mean that I hate them and their mama.

Ignore them Tierra, it's not that deep. True. But I feel forced into interacting with them at a level I don't want to. Like, I'm not being my authentic self (word to Oprah). I fake and smile, meanwhile my insides are screaming. For some reason this irks me more this year than ever. I think getting married this year and having to rely on people has shown me who is pro/con Tierra. This sounds totally selfish but I would hope everyone would want a reliable group of friends and family supporting them.

Getting married was the start of a new life for me. With more family and more friends. I want to be my best self going forward. Hanging on to people that I'm scared of hurting because I knew them since when or because we like the same foods is not the way in 2012. This has been laying on me for awhile and some casualties have already happened. This didn't boost my ego or make me feel empowered but I did feel relieved.

I'm just trying to be real. And a real friend. This shouldn't be that hard :)



-Toodles